The Islamic institution of polygyny also takes into consideration the socio-psychological limitations inherent in man. Men generally get married to satisfy their physical and psychological desires for female companionship. However, a man may marry a woman when he is young and immature, and for various emotional reasons, may later find her unsuitable, unable to find contentment and happiness with her. Or a man may be married to a barren woman or a woman whose interests are very different from his.
Outside of Islam, such a man would find it necessary to divorce his wife or indulge in extra-marital relationships to be with a more compatible person or a person able to bear his children. Sometimes a man may long for variety and a different personality type after a long period of marriage. Or some women lose their beauty in old age, so their men might be inclined to look around for younger women to whom they may be attracted. In all of the aforementioned circumstances, Islam supports family unity while recognizing the individual’s desires by encouraging the man to keep his wife and allowing him to satisfy his needs by marrying another wife if he can fulfill the requirements of plural marriage in Islam.
However, certain conditions are attached to plural marriage in Islam to protect the women involved because it is invariably the women who are taken advantage of in such a relationship. For example, a man may not have more than four wives at a time, and each marriage contract is legal and binding, involving the same rights, responsibilities, and obligations as the first contract. That is, wife number one is not the mother or chief of all subsequent wives, nor is wife number four allowed preferential treatment at the expense of the other wives. Each marriage contract carries the same amount of weight in an Islamic court of law, and thus, men are not allowed to openly attach greater importance to one at the expense of the other. Such behavior would not be equitable treatment and might even be construed as oppression.
In fact, the Prophet (SAW) was reported to have said,” Whoever has two wives and leans unduly to one of them will come in the Day of Judgement with half of his body leaning.” (Abu Dawud). So the man must live with all of his wives on a footing of equality and kindness. In fact, the whole question of the permissibility of plural marriages in Islam is tied to a given man’s ability to deal justly with all his wives in terms of his time and wealth.
Love, as it is known in the West, is not a prerequisite for marriage in Islam; hence, the concept of plural marriages does not have as emotionally devastating an effect on true Muslim women as it would have on their non-Muslim counterparts, except where Western influences are great. The most important factor in a truly Islamic marriage is the piety of the partners involved. This fact was alluded to by the Prophet (SAW) in the following statement:” A woman may be married for four reasons: for her wealth, her rank (lineage), her beauty, and her religion. However, you should marry the one who is religious and you will be satisfied.” (Bukhari). Besides the reasons mentioned above, a woman may also marry for other reasons, such as security, offspring, and relationship. However, in Islam, love usually follows marriage, so it is better to marry a religious, pious, disciplined man, and love for Allah’s pleasure rather than to develop a pre-marital romantic fixation which often fades in time due to the inevitable trials of marriage. Within Western society, women are brought up to believe that marriage may be for one of two things: love or money. The idea of romantic love and wealth is presented as the most important aspect of life. Women are openly and subliminally seduced with this concept by the media in the form of serials on television, romantic novels, magazines, movies, and commercial advertisements.
Even children’s fairy tales beguile little girls with the notion that only true love and money can make them happy. So many women in Western society are brought up to believe that one-day Prince Charming or a knight in shining armor will suddenly appear and carry her away, if only she is beautiful and fortunate enough to catch his attention. To satisfy this artificially created desire, women go to extremes in dress, hairstyles, and make-up to attract the opposite sex. Other women change partners whenever fatigue sets into a relationship, in the misguided hope that the next one will be the one. The emphasis on love before marriage, love before honor, and love above everything is negative and self-destructive. Due to emphasis on romantic love within Western culture, it is difficult for people (Muslims included) to comprehend the concept of love after marriage; love for the sake of Allah and love built on the virtues of loyalty, trust, and faith in Allah. According to Islamic tradition, the Prophet (SAW) and his companions married for a variety of reasons. They married widows with children, divorced women, and captives of war to consolidate and reconcile groups to the Islamic cause, in addition to marrying for the normal reasons that men marry for.
Islam, as it was revealed to the Prophet (SAW), is a complete way of life which leaves no aspect of life without regulations, enabling Muslims, whether male or female, to stay on the correct path. Hence, if a man can care for and take care of more than one wife justly, there is no sin on him if he does so. On the contrary, he should be commended for following the Sunnah of the Prophet (SAW) and fulfilling his role as a guardian of women. (Ends)
Abu Ameenah Bilal Philips
